What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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