I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
