So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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