MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
