i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
