I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
