So drunk its hurt
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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