I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
