I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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