There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
