I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
