Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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