He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
