uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
