I can text with my tongue
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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