Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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