wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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