just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
