Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
