He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
