@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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