my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
