There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the liver wants what the liver wants
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize