its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
