She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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