no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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