I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
