I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize