I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
