Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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