he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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