I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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