I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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