DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
