I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
