I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
