Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
