everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize