drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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