You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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