she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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