Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
