8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
