bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
