Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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