there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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