Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
