doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
