do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
