I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize