I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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