Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
