my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize