He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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