i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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