2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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