did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
jump out the window naked night went bad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
