good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
