you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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