As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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