My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
