You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
