My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize