I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
