i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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