That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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