Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
