Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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