Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize