i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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