Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
