Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize