Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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