i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
are you so shy because you have an std?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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