She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
