my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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