well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
