you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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