she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize