I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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