ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
