Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize