i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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