Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize