just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
