Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
