I wanna bring you to show and tell
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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